Soul Purpose
Posted: August 7th, 2009 | Author: LumDimSum | Filed under: A Day In My Life, Food For Thought, Personal | Tags: Alan Wong, Benoit Thebaut, Bling, David Kim, Hatsune, Hotel G, Scarlett | 9 Comments »Two days ago, I had a surprisingly deep and meaningful conversation with Riviera founder and PR socialite, Benoit Thebaut. He was staying at Hotel G while I happened to also be organizing a ladies wine dinner in Scarlett.
Our conversation took an unexpected turn from small chit-chat to an immersed and evocative dialogue of our lives and having a greater purpose. I came to learn a different side of Ben. Someone who’s constantly in the limelight, organizing the infamous Shanghai & Beijing pool parties along with other top fashion, media events, I was pleasantly surprised to hear him discuss his burning pursuit to make a difference in the world, to uncover his life’s purpose.
And this got me thinking – beyond Hatsune, beyond Bling, beyond PR, what is my ultimate goal? How will I make my mark on the world?
And today is when it hit me. Hard.
Today, I had an intense discussion about life, but this time, in terms of religion.
Let me paint you a picture of Michelle. Michelle is one of Alan’s 3 summer interns, working in Beijing for two months from UNC, to learn from Alan’s restaurant business. She’s incredibly friendly, bubbly, beautiful, eloquent, easy to talk to, easy to befriend. She’s someone I could meet for ten minutes and immediately feel like I can relate to her on so many levels in so many ways.
Before our business lecture, Michelle was describing her previous abroad program to North Africa where she was taught survival tips and explored remote villages and stayed with a host family. Inquiring more into this program as it sounded like an incredible learning experience, she explained that it was a 3 month program provided to Christian college students interested in living abroad and learning about 2nd and 3rd world countries from first-hand experience.
And before I knew it, I found myself engrossed in the deepest discussion with her about her beliefs, her devotion to Christianity, and my non-existent beliefs…in pretty much everything.
I’d like to consider myself as a positive, happy person with strong morals and a strong sense of what is right and wrong. I hold sound values and standards for myself that have been instilled in me for as long as I can remember. And these principles are not unwavering, I have learned the value of context through experiences. But overall, the standards I hold for myself are solid and none of these standards reflect God. I am who I am regardless of beliefs and religion, or in my case, lack of beliefs. I try to be happy, positive and loving because I believe it’s infectious and it makes me happy to see others smile.
I am Atheist. There, I said it. I used to say I was agnostic because I thought it sounded less cynical. I thought it was better to say that you don’t know what you believe in than to admit that you don’t believe in anything at all. But as much as I like the idea of guardian angels, an all-mighty God looking over me, heaven & hell or reincarnation, or some sort of after-life, I don’t. I don’t believe in miracles, I don’t believe in fate. I imagine these are all creations of very convincing individuals who gave people something to believe in for those needing to believe.
I believe in evolution. I believe in science. I believe that we have developed from molecules and will continue to evolve and change slowly over time. I believe in coincidences, I believe in chance. And after life? I’m not sure. No one knows, even if they think they do. I guess when I die, I’ll find out, but I highly doubt either a heaven or hell will await me. Like everything else in life, you never know what to expect next. You can wish, you can anticipate and you can guess all you want, but nothing ever turns out the way you want or expect it to for that matter.
Above all else, I believe in honesty, loyalty, and the goodness in people.
But as an atheist, Michelle also made me question my purpose in life. Why am I here? What do I aspire to accomplish? Why do I think any of us here?
I’d like to think I could make a positive impact on the world, I don’t know what difference I would make, and to be honest, I think it would be rather ambitious of myself to think that I even could.
Maybe that’s the wrong attitude. Is it wrong that I don’t know? Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in life’s daily, menial takes of e-mails, meetings, dinner dates, and parties, I forget to see the bigger picture.
Even now, I see myself pursuing my life and career in China for at least the next 5 years. I hope to someday start my own business. But beyond that? It’s a pretty blank slate that I hope I’ll figure it out in due time.
Puzzled that I didn’t have a more lucid answer to such a direct question, I return the question back to her.
Her reply:
“I believe that I am here on Earth to glorify God and God can only be fully glorified in us when we are fully satisfied in God.
I believe that God is the most wonderful, gracious, holy thing in the world and I want my life to emulate him. I want to use my skills and passion to glorify this great thing that I believe in with all my heart. When I do this, I find satisfation in the thing I glorify.
In the midst of suffering and grief and sorrow, I believe that you can find the glory for God and a greater hope.
I want to be more than what I am. I want to be better, and I know it’s a sin to want to receive more recognition, but I am never satisfied if I try to glorify myself – it only leaves me thirsty for something more. But when I glorify God, who is ultimately beautiful and wonderful, I am satisfied as I believe he is the only one worthy of that glory that I give him.”
It’s fascinating to think that I can relate so closely to someone to discover that we differ so much in our core beliefs and life philosophy. It does not change our relationship, but it definitely gives our relationship a new light to reflect upon.
And in terms of our existence, our sole purpose in life, are we so different?
For now, I am doing PR for Hatsune and other restaurants and clubs in town, while Michelle does PR for God.
A whole other scale.
As Michelle so eloquently phrased it:
“Hatsune is more than a restaurant, it’s more than a company and it’s more than Alan Wong, its an empire, it’s a philosophy, its wonderful …but it’s not ultimate. God is the only ultimate and the only one worthy of our praise, admiration, and glory. And the glory displayed through our lives ultimately is all just a small reflection of him.”
After leaving Michelle and hearing her parting words, I have a new-found respect for her and her devotion to God. I may not fully understand it or agree with it, but I admire her passion in her beliefs and her love for God.
And her words stuck with me. For the rest of the day, I found myself thinking about the things she said and her beliefs that I found myself full of curiosity. I had so many unanswered questions.
One thing I did not know before and could not understand was that Christians like Michelle believe that only those who truly believe and follow God with all their heart can be saved by God. So those of us who are not religious (myself included) and those who believe in other religions have no hope of salvation?
I may not believe in afterlife, but if I did and if there was a heaven and hell, I’d like to think I’d pass with flying colors on Judgment Day. It bothered me to think that according to her beliefs, none of the good that I could do would ever make any difference ultimately in my fate. As an Atheist, I could spend the rest of my life doing good, being righteous, spreading love and kindness, and I’d still be screwed come Judgment Day.
So I inquire with another devout Christian, my dear PR partner, David Kim, about his beliefs and his views of Christianity.
David’s belief in Christianity is one clear message:
“I believe in love. Love conquers all. Just Love.”
Similar to how Michelle described her love for God, David tried to explain the love he feels and shares with others.
“You need to understand this love. To practice love the way I do, I needed to first understand it. Through fucking up, in the darkest times, I saw light.
As a child, love to me was just an idea and at one point I even cursed love, I cursed my life, and I cursed God for letting bad things happen to me. You only understand through comparison. You must first see the ugly before you discover beauty. For me, it was through the hardest of times when I first saw a glimmer of light through all the ugliness and once I noticed it, I held onto that glimmer and through different experiences, it has led me to my religion. With anything in life, if you never try it, you never know. I believe in sharing love with humanity and celebrating life, and that is evidence of God’s love in me.
I am blessed and I never take it for granted. Some may call it an acquired skill, but I see opportunities and blessings that often come in a disguise. I consider myself pretty devout to Christianity. No one can shake me of my beliefs and it’s because of that, it makes me an open person and that allows me to love you, regardless of your background and religion. My faith is a lens I never knew before, it’s a view I hold. The world could crumble around me and I would still be at peace.”
His thoughts on fate and afterlife?
“I live today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yesterday is done. A profound quote once said by King Solomon: ‘What I am today is not who I was yesterday.’
Because of the love I feel and experience, because I know where I am going (heaven), I can focus on today. Because of that, I can feel happy that I made someone smile today. And isn’t doing that good today, worth more than anything?
We are all human. We can’t do everything ourselves. We must rely on one another.”
His purpose in life?
“It’s not about spreading Christianity. Word should be the last resort of evangelism. My life should reflect my beliefs.”
And what about me? You talk about love, and because of this love you say you are secure in your ticket to salvation. What is the difference between the love you feel and my love? I may not have found love through hard times, but I believe the love I share is genuine and generous. Is the love I feel and share different or less than your love because my love is without God?
“You already have God, whether you want him to be with you or not, he is already with you. I don’t worry about you because you already are saved.”
